this isnt me looking for attention so please just dont even try.

so more and more as i get older(yes i know im only 23) ive come to realize for some reason, people like to talk to me about their problems and ask me for advice. say what? why? i dont understand i am the last person you should be listening to people. yeah i can talk the talk but ya know sometimes i just dont walk the walk. dont get me wrong i like listening and i definitely dont have a problem saying what i need to i just dont understand how i acquired this role. maybe i should be flattered that they value my opinion. im not sure, but heres the other thing. i never get to talk about whats going on with me, sometimes because the other person is too concerned about their own and sometimes i think its just me. i feel bad talking about what going on with me.. is that weird? i feel like number 1 its boring who wants to hear that shit, number 2 im going to sound like a whiny bitch and number 3 i can help myself.

hang me up to dry, you wrung me out too many times.

so im just going to jump into this like this.. breaking up with my ex is probably one of the best and worst things that i have done in a long while. why is it that there is always pros and cons why cant there ever just be cons.. it would make my life a whole lot fucking easier.

pros: actually being able to better my life with school, my friends.. just realizing my friends do care about me and i do make an impact on their lives and would give anything just to talk to me, the physical and mental abuse he will never get to experience again on me because im no longer that weak person nor do i ever want to be around him again, im allowed to have a job, i no longer have to give a shit that he hates my pointy toed shoes, i dont have to clean up after his sloppy ass, i dont have to read things to him to make him understand a third grade level, i can cook for someone who will now appreciate it (even if its not that good), i dont have to answer to anyone or feel like im asking my dad if i can hang out with my friends, ALL MY GUY FRIENDS I MISSED SO MUCH<3
cons: i am back at home and have to deal with my lovely mother that adores me so much.. heh yeah, my baby blue i miss my cat so much he hated him and followed me around everywhere slept on my head.. purred if i layed just one finger on him..but he has all his buddies there i didnt want to take him out of his environment he loved the other cats, i now really have to figure out my license situation because im no longer downtown i cant just walk some where real fast, i now have to pay my own way (which is good but once youre use to it after awhile its a little hard to catch up), i cant drink whenever i want to.. i was really into the booze over there which also could be considered a good thing that im not drinking as much, he was really good looking ha, and i guess just not having that constant person there ..it was like your other half even if it was the evil half.

im sure there is many many more i just cant think of off the top of my head, but if you notice none of these things are anything about his personality.. its because it was shit. if you cant laugh with someone its not worth your time. i dont even understand what i was doing. we met fell in lust and i moved in a few days later. idiot. but now im having a good time rekindling with my old friends and making some new ones and even "dating" is a whole new thing. im running things now folks. the snap is back and in full effect.

newb.

so this is going to be a new thing for me, which im actually pretty excited about. ive been writing down things that have been driving me crazy recently and yeah it feels good to get it out but not as much as when your punching the keyboard, sound effects are way better lol. anyway so thank you ronee for rekindling my online blogging (you all remember livejournal right?) and i will catch you on the flip side.